Colonoscopized

Today was "C" day. For those of you who are squeamish about body parts, stop reading now. The rest of you nosey people can carry on if you want to know the details of having a colonscopy.
As mentioned yesterday, I took my requisite 2 packages of a purgative, one 8am, the other 6pm, and made regular rabbit runs to la toilette. After a light breakfast of boiled egg, toast and coffee, I dined on every assortment of Gaterade I could find: 180 cal/bottle but who's counting? No lightheadedness, nothing except a little stomach grumbling and yes, hunger, especially when catching the odd TV FOOD commercial last evening!

I made it through the night with only one visit to the salle de bain and managed the hour-long trip into town. Thank heavens! I couldn't picture myself doing the side car squat next to the busy highway. Overall it felt very good to be empty particularly after having over-indulged for the past 30 days.

As I waited at the doctor's office (yes, office; it wasn't done in a medical facility), a large tall man came out, obviously just having had his C done. He looked a little gray and said to me "I'd better sit down for awhile while this wears off..." He sat for 15 minutes before slowly putting on his coat and walking out. Ummm. This didn't inspire confidence. If a big guy like that feels a little grim afterwards, how would I feel?

My health card was checked against a list (nosey parker that I am, I peered at the list to see if I knew anyone who'd preceeded or would follow me -- so much for privacy laws), then I was told to disrobe from the waist down but I could keep on my socks. Good thing; it was bloody cold, lying on a cot with a paper sheet over my nether parts. In no time, the doc arrived, took my blood pressure "Good, good" and I was ushered into the C room, my paper sheet trailing behind my behind. What's the point of modesty when someone is about to insert God knows what up your bottom?

Doc checked my arms. Of course being a little dehydrated despite my case of Gatorade, he managed not to find a vein in my arm but in the back of my hand to give me a little something to make me feel happy. "Happier," I corrected. "Yes, happier," he smiled back. He's an oriental looking man, with an exceptionally kind face and voice and extremely black hair. I was tempted to ask if he dyed it.

Post-valium, I didn't feel any different. My sisterinlaw said it made her feel like a million bucks and she would've like more so I had great expectations. I still felt like a loonie.

I felt a bandage type of sticky thing being slapped onto one cheek (not on my face!) and the anal tour began. I kept my eyes on the screen. Interesting. The walls were a lovely pinkish colour, very tidy, very healthy looking from my perspective. I couldn't see anything nasty. Things got a little crampy as the camera was pushed a little deeper and had to navigate more twists and turns but nothing unbearable. Doc directed his technician, lower, higher, here, stop there. I could see one tiny whitish protuberance, very small. Snip it was gone. I didn't feel a thing as it was cauterized.

"All done," and with that Dr. C. ripped off the bandage or tape or whatever it was; at least he made it quick. I was rolled back in the original room and asked how I felt, was I good to sit up? As I sat, he explained the snipped part would be tested but the likelihood was it was nothing to worry about. I dressed and hubby took me out for lunch.

If having a C meant avgolemono soup, then it was worth it! It's my favourite soup and there's no taste like the mix of chicken, lemon and orzo. Maybe there was something to the something he gave happier me cuz I stumbled entering the Mystiko restaurant (formerly Papagus and worth a visit!) and again, leaving it. My legs simply felt a little heavy.

So there. All done. Life is once again good and if you haven't had a colonoscopy, now at least you know what to expect. Ciao!