Another acqaintance, Jobe, a notorious long-talker, pauses frequently when speaking at length, apparently to re-marshall his thoughts. When this happens the others in the conversation often mistake the pause as a full stop and verbally jump in only to be immediately and archly informed he is not done! Being polite, everyone is forced to continue in the listener role. I’ve noticed some listeners simply walk away in the middle of Jobe’s discourses as they cannot tolerate what to them is his rudeness. I’ve also noticed at parties that no one cares to be caught alone in an aside with Jobe for it is akin to being caught in a spider-web of “conversation” from which there is no escape. Of course, if anyone persists in breaking away or interjecting themselves into Jobe’s conversation, he thinks they are rude! I have made efforts to sustain my attention span and continue to listen well past my own tolerance level as I’m a kind and optimistic person, and believe I just might learn something. But even kind optimists have their limits.
So what is really going on here? Is Jobe trying to shift the “power” while he holds the floor? Do we the listeners allow ourselves to become passive out of politeness while he is holding forth? Is there any way to signal him that he’s surpassed the listener’s capacity? One solution is to state as soon as you discern you're enmeshed in a monologue, “I’ve only got 5 minutes.” Definitely worth a try! Or stick with the those who don't give a damn what Jobe thinks and...walk away.
Jobe does seem aware of his problem (or is it our's?) but can't seem to fix it. He suffers from a lack of awareness of "conversational limits". I really don't know how to solve Jobe's problem for indeed it is his. My problem is simple. I need only ask myself, "How much of my time am I willing to give this guy?" then act on it. But remember: everyone needs a little attention even if it's only (to quote the old Brownie vow) to lend an ear.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment